Come To The Dark Side: We Have Dad Jokes

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I know it’s not Father’s Day, but I’d been thinking about him lately, and even though he’s a pretty busy guy, I called my dad tonight and actually got to talk to him and not his voicemail. This rarely happens, and so he inspired me to write a little something.

A lot of people say I look like my mom. My Grams and I have a lot of similar characteristics. The fact that she is younger than your average grandma means I often get mistaken for her daughter. I’m not really sure what my dad looks like. I grew up without a father, but about twenty years ago I got a Dad. We might not look a like. Actually, it’s horrible that when we go out people often think he’s my husband. Talk about gross. I’m not sure anything is more embarrassing when you’re a teenager.

However, after two decades together, we do act alike. I find myself singing off-key tunes about my surroundings like I’m living in a broadway production, even though I used to roll my eyes at his musical numbers. I have no shame. This I get from him. I will dance in front of my kids’ school or in the middle of a crowded store. (After ten years, my kids are immune to this, but my friends’ kids are quick to act like they don’t know me and beg me to stop.) I will dance in the rain when other people run for cover. I am not too old to jump on trampoline or play hide and seek, and I don’t think I ever will be. My crazy antics and childlike ways are all from my dad.

The practical joker inside of me definitely didn’t come from my mom. We all have that one friend that is constantly jumping out shouting “BOO!” and trying to make us pee our pants. Well, I am that friend. I get it honest, though. Now my dad lives seven time zones away, so I have to settle for torturing my husband…with love.

Like the time we shared a Spotify account (this is probably how I ended up getting my own premium account), and I added this pop song that he absolutely LOATHES randomly to his over 100 playlists, if the playlist was really long, I’d add it twice. He spent over a year removing it, and I’m sure there’s still a couple hanging around. My dad used to throw random things in the grocery cart while my mom wasn’t looking, we’d have cart races, and play “football” in the aisles with a roll of paper towels.  In hindsight, this is probably how he ended up never having to go with my mom to the grocery store.

I say the same smart aleck responses that my dad uses. The same annoyingly parental unit come backs.

I’m Hungry.

Oh, Hi, Hungry. I’m Elle. Nice to meet you.

What’s for dinner?

Food.

What kind of food?

The kind you eat.

Believe me, I face-palm myself even thinking about it. I stop myself sometimes and go: How did this happen? I grew up groaning over these antics. I suppose eventually we all grow up to become our parents. The things that made your eyes want to roll back into your head while you sighed so hard you almost blew the house down? Yeah…one day you’ll do and say those things. I used to stop short and shake my head, but I’ve come to embrace them. Maybe one day my children will pass on the Starving Brain Sucker to my grandchildren.

Love and Cheese,

L.

xoxo

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The Government Faked The Moon Walk

And Bin Laden’s death.

Okay, okay, I know there’s so much evidence, but I don’t know you don’t just kill a guy and chuck him into the ocean and expect people to say it ain’t so. (Which is also one of the best Weezer songs. ❤ ) So, how many of you typed on facebook that Obama was the one who got capped? I’m eagerly waving my hand in the air right now. However, I wasn’t the only one, and at least I didn’t do it on the news.

This blergh is actually inspired by the late and great Michael Jackson.

I didn’t know Michael Jackson was a communist! I mean, Chinese, I can see that…but a communist? I thought of him as more of an Independent.

C’mon, I know the video is old and half of you have already seen it, because I’m two weeks behind on my blerghing, and I’m a loser. Actually, I prefer to say “I suck at life, but I’m wicked cool.

But you know what I say to that? Suck it. That video is amazing, and that’s like the tenth time I’ve seen it.

Or something.

Prolly something.

Okay, so tonight a local DJ posted on his twitter that Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room at a dance. Which apparently many people say is true…so I took it to Snopes.

I love this site. I’ve used it in the past when I blogged about Steve Burns from Blue’s Clues, whom everyone told me was dead from a drug overdose, or when I finally got my brother to shut up about how Walt Disney’s head was in a freezer somewhere. Also, one April Fool’s Day when everyone was saying Tupac was alive.

So, I showed the DJ the link on Snopes disproving his very punny line of the evening. Although I rained on his parade, if I don’t think something is actually true about someone, I don’t want to post it. I mean, Michael Jackson is obviously a Chinese Communist, there’s no arguing that…

So, what I’m really trying to say is…what is your favorite conspiracy theory? Mine is Big Foot. Oh, he is out there. And he needs a grooming. If you see him, tell him to call me, and I’ll hook him up.

Love and Weezer,

xoxo

L.


Children of the Corn

Funny, that’s what my mom used to call us, or what I used to call my little brothers.

I miss old horror flicks.

Now we have Paranormal State and The Ring.

Blergh.

However, scary movies ain’t got nothin’ on this blog.

This is actually about some cute kids who use the force or one form or another.

The first, a Star Wars classic gone cute and kiddie for a VW commerical that I hope you’ve all seen.

Okay, now this one I just found a couple of days ago, but I’m usually pretty lazy, as I’m sure you’re aware of when it comes to adding new videos. No matter how rockin’ awesome they might be. I’m a mother of two with little to no sleep.

Anywho, this one goes out to all the comic book geeks out there who now have kids they want to join the nerd herd some day.

Awesomesauce.

Would’ve been cool if they put some sort of Boondock Saints twist on it, and he blew up the dog.

I’m just sayin’…

So, what I’m gonna ask, because like I could leave y’all without asking something…

What would you/have you pass on to your kids from your childhood?

My kids, but especially my son are very into VHS. They don’t even know what bluray is, and I think eventually they might figure out that coming summer 1995 means it’s been out longer than they’ve been alive…

However, I have blessed them with Fraggle Rock, School House Rock (because they both ROCK), Carebears, Ninja Turtles, Dinosaurs, The Elephant Show, Veggie Tales, and Shel Silverstein. I’m sure there’s a lot more. I’m a vintage kid or something like that.

Prolly something.

May The Force Be With You,

xoxo

L

PS.

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