Hello, My Name is Elle

And I am a bookaholic.

book-drunkard

If I am a crazy old lady that ends up on Hoarders it will be for my castle made of books.

There’s actually a book store in LA that I want to visit with my family sometime. Because I am the type of person who goes on vacation to read. Srsly tho. Click that link and put that on your bucket list.

It’s been one week since my last binge read. The Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series. My eyes ache, and my soul is a little empty, because I have to wait at least three more months for the new series to come out. AHH. Tolkien had a word for it. Mythopoeia. As much as I am loathe to admit that Stephanie Meyer is right…Cassandra Clare does create a world you want to live in. Well, at least, a world in which I would want to live, where mundanes like me can rest easy, because angels walk among us, fighting our demons for us.

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I am also the type of person that will fall in love with an already cancelled show, so I watch until just a few episodes before the end, so that it’s still going in my mind. I suppose I’m that way with books. Sometimes I will read a book so slowly or not finish the last chapter, because in my mind, the story continues. (Ironically, the Never Ending Story is on that list.) It’s been this way for Go Set A Watchman. I know that for certain there will never be another Harper Lee novel, and I am treating this book like the long lost treasure it is.

To Kill A Mockingbird is my favorite book. It is a piece of literature that has touched the depths of my soul. I will say this. That if ever in the pages of a book, a white knight resided, Atticus Finch would be mine.

And if I gave a voice to Scout. It would be that of Reese Witherspoon. I have got to buy the audiobook! Because even when I’m not reading a book…I’m still reading a book. Or rather, having one read to me.

Alas, it’s the middle of the night, and I am writing and not reading, PROGRESS! Even if it’s just writing about reading…

Love and Mockingbirds,

L

xoxo

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Gotta Hand It To Antwerpen: Belgium and Back (Part Deux)

Elle in Antwerpen

I know. I’m so punny.

I planned on writing this second part far earlier than this, but it’s a crazy month with at least twelve family birthdays, my husband’s and mine included. Among other things. Like starting the Leap Year off with a tornado.

Now lets take the DeLorean for a spin back to November. A surprisingly calming time, despite the chaos of a trip across the ocean, Thanksgiving, and Black Friday shopping all in one week. (Yes, I am one of those insane people that waited in line for hours for a three dollar waffle maker. Actually, it was a ten dollar Crock Pot.)

Back to Belgium –

We went to the city a couple of times for we left. Where did I really want to go? The Aquarium.

Why? Because my husband is amazing (sometimes- don’t want him to get a bigger head than he already has), and he fulfills those childhood memories that I never got around to making. I’ve also never been to the zoo, but he’s saving the London Zoo for my first time. 

He also took me on my first train ride. It wasn’t the Orient Express, but it was still a train ride. I live ten minutes from an actual train station, and I have for about fifteen years. Despite that little detail, I didn’t go on a train until I went to London in 2010. I know, I’m super lame in the face. I do things like hang out backstage to see Sum 41, hang out with Gallagher at the Landing, and I like to hang out with magicians…these are not very impressive details to a general audience. It’s okay. I’m aware of my own lamedom. You have to own who you are.

Yes, it’s right next to China Town. >_<

Okay, so that’s not the best photo from Aquatopia, but it’s my favorite. I could make a whole blog dedicated to the aquarium Let me just say that it’s a great place to visit. You can bring your kids or your dog. Or your ball and chain… You’ll have fun. Get some great photos and make some memories. I definitely say check it out if you’re there.

Now, some things were planned activities, aside from ones having to do with jQuery-  (Again, if someone linked to this blog because of my husband, I apologize. No, I know nothing about JavaScript or jQuery, and I don’t speak binary. I’ll tell you Al Gore invented the internet just to jerk your chain. I’m a writer of things that don’t really matter to most people, and I’m completely content with that.)

Such activities did not include being in a protest. After grabbing some amazing deals at some sales, we walk out to see a group of hippies and semi regular looking people marching and chanting in Dutch. I know enough about human nature to know it was definitely a protest. So, we joined in to see where they were going with it. They were playing instruments made of sticks, balloons, and a homemade looking drum. Being that we got to Antwerp during a Dutch holiday weekend, Addy was convinced that it was a parade or some sort of festivity.

…but I thought Belgium didn’t have a government? Who are they protesting to?

I know, I’m usually right. Girls usually are. To the ladies, boys will never learn. To the gentlemen, you’re in a constant state of denial…but it’s okay. I’m accepting of this. It’s like how women are completely insane. I’m aware of this in a million different ways, but I can’t change it. That’s like me trying to be black. There’s no reverse Michael Jackson for that. In a lot of ways, you can’t change yourself, even if you want to. We are who we are. Own it.

Now, back to this trip, before this becomes the most annoyingly long of my posts by far…

One thing I really enjoyed were the creative window displays.

My favorite?

What’s up, Bra?

Yes, it’s a dress made from braziers in a lingerie shop window. My husband liked the metallic Marge Simpson in the window of the hair salon, but it’s my blog, not his, and my next picture will redeem me in his eyes.

Belgian street art…

Street Art

Okay, now I look like a lameface. Why? I know nothing of European comics. I grew up to Family Circus, Garfield, and the Peanuts in the Sunday funnies. I grew up with Inspector Gadget and even Matthew Broderick couldn’t make that worth watching. I do know that he’s beloved in Europe as Blue’s Clues is to North America.-

I don’t care if I saw Steve Burns in real life, I’d make him sing We Just Got A Letter.

At any rate, my husband thought that this cartoon was TinTin and begged me to take a photo of it with my camera. Turns out someone corrected me, which I welcome. My husband will object, saying I need to be right, but honestly, I don’t mind being wrong. It just so happens that in his case, I’m usually right. ;-D

Right…

Where was I?

At this point, I wonder if it’s not worth posting just a bunch of random photos or a slideshow. It’s getting late, and I have an early, big day tomorrow.

WWHSTD?

What Would Hunter S. Thompson Do?

Probably drop some acid, huff some ether, and stay up all night. Also, write something far more entertaining than this that would contain at least one hallucination. Unfortunately, that’s not even in the realm of possibilities for me.

Brothas.

I could’ve posted a couple of pictures of the beautiful architecture, art, music, or any girl’s best friend…the diamond district, but that wouldn’t be me. That would make sense.

I do know that if you’re American, you won’t starve. There’s a pizza place on every corner, Europe is not without Aldi grocery stores, and I even got to eat at a Chili’s. Fajitas and cherry bubbly alcoholic drinks  for the win! The people are lovely. The place is lovely. I definitely wouldn’t mind going back, but I really have my heart set on the Canary Islands for my next vacation.

Love and Fajitas,

L

xoxo


To Belgium and Back (Part 1)

L and O

This past long over-due winter break I went to Antwerp, Belgium with my husband, who was speaking at Devoxx and attending the jQuery summit online. No idea what I’m talking about? Don’t worry, in any other life, I probably wouldn’t either.

The point is Elle hit Europe, but were they ready?

We actually stayed in Ekeren, we went into the city for Devoxx, sightseeing and shopping. I decided to break the first part of this blog into Ekeren photos, because there are far too many pictures and things to blog about as it is.

My favorite place to eat.

Now some might judge them for how they spelled Chinese, but not me. Those girls spoke Chinese, French, Dutch, and English. Amazing. You go to a Chinese restaurant in Branson, and they act like they don’t speak Chinese or English. I love the tolerance of other people. They say that Europeans hate Americans. Maybe the Brits, I find that to be a tiny bit true. However, you have no idea how many Dutch conversations a sweet smile and a polite, “I’m sorry, I’m American” got me out of with a small chuckle an apology. It’s almost like when I get a flat, and I call roadside assistance. “I’m sorry, I’m a girl,” it works every time.

Preggers Belgian Barbie

Sounds crazy, and I’m more than a little crazy, but this was one of my favorite finds of the trip. Just sitting on the shelf with all the other Barbie and Justin Bieber dolls, Knocked Up Belgian Barbie, and she even gives birth to a tiny baby. Totally creepy? Maybe, but highly hilarious. Two thumbs up.

No Doggy Doo

Is this vulgar? Possibly, but it also had me rolling. It was probably the beers I’d had before that, but seeing this sign gave me a serious case of the LOLs. I found it on the side of a building in a seemingly sketch part of town.

Leopold II, King of the Belgians

In my neck of Ekeren, I didn’t find many actual sights per say, but I did find this lovely church and statue of Leopold II. Not the greatest guy if you lived in the Congo in the late 1800s, but the Belgians liked him well enough, I suppose.

That concludes my pictures of Markt Ekeren. I was only there a little over a week, so I didn’t do the greatest amount of exploring, and as my husband reminded me, it was a business semi vacation sort of trip. On the bright side, I finally got to finish 1984 by George Orwell, and it was just as brilliant as I imagined it to be. Not much more I could say about Ekeren. My husband would scold me for not mentioning Jump-Inn, his favorite restaurant, but as I said, it was his favorite, and this is my blog.

*insert silly winky face*

Until next time…

Love and Leopold,

L

xoxo


My Bucket Book List

Love or Obsession?

I’m not like some sad old man that reads the last chapter of every book that he’s ever begun, because I might die before I finish it.

In fact, I’d be more concerned if I was a man, old or otherwise.

My problem is that I start a book, get a few chapters in, and I start another book. Sometimes I’ll even go back to books I’ve read before. Perhaps I’m a book hoarder. I’ve cut out the romance novels, though, by the dozens. Possibly hundreds. To just the classics. Gone With the Wind, Love In the Time of Cholera, Jane Erye, and maybe just a couple more if you don’t count any Shakespeare at all…

As much as I love it, I can’t read The Bell Jar again until I’ve made a dent in my book shelf. To say I love it is an understatement. I checked it out every two weeks the entire school year my sophomore year of high school. True story. It’s how I became School Mascot. The school librarian loved me.

I’m currently between 1984 by George Orwell (and I want to re-read Animal Farm, because I bought another copy the other day), Hell’s Angels (and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) by Hunter S. Thompson. I also forgot that I was half way through a book about Marie Antoinette by Victoria Holt called Queen’s Confession, and I mean, I haven’t even gotten to the rioting or wanting to chop her head off parts.

Once upon a time I wanted to read The Grapes of Wrath, but all the swearing on the first couple of pages made me kick it to the curb. Don’t get me wrong. I swear, but I hate when people use God’s name in vain. It’s like finger nails on a chalk board. I don’t judge people for swearing, but I can’t stand hearing that, let alone reading it in my few and far between moments of free time.

I love to read. I read the entire Narnia series at work at an ice cream stand from ten to noon every day for like a month. I have an awesome edition that is all seven of the books bound into one big ass book.

This is why I can’t be a comic book geek. I barely have time for chapter books. Someday I will read you, Murder On The Orient Express, but for now I write a blergh about reading books…yeah, now that I have my glasses (and my geek on), I should probably pick up a book. My goal should be to finish one of the half dozen books I’ve already started, but I feel like starting a new one…I know. I’m terrible, but there are probably at least a hundred books that I want to read before I die. Tons of movies that I refuse to watch, because I haven’t read the book first. The only except to that rule is Harry Potter. I don’t know why, but I really don’t have a desire to read the books.

*Cue Potter fanatics stoning me to death or beating me with wooden sticks while wearing their bath robes.*

I know we’ve all got a little nerd in us, and while I go read some of Fear and Loathing…(because after all this hullabaloo about finishing a book, I might as well do it).

I want to know, because obviously you have the ability and possibly the desire to read, since you suffered through this lame ass blergh thus far…

What book would you like to read before you die?

You just have to pick one.

I have boxes of them.

Literary Love,

L

xoxo


Thank You, Simon Cowell

My blergh usually hits an average of ten million hits per post. So, imagine my surprise when I saw that my American Idol post had hit over two hundred and fifty million hits on Monday. Oddly enough, as surprised as I might have been, I wasn’t really shocked. My last post from a few years ago (which has long since been deleted when I cleaned house), was very popular. It was even featured on some Russian website.

So, thank you, Simon Cowell (and Ryan Seacrest) for making my blergh a more popular pitstop.

Is this post about American Idol? Survey says…

No.

Not really.

Just big ups to the show that gives me hope that I might not be the most crap writer in the world. In high school, I won nearly every award for writing that was offered. I even ended up winning a week’s paid trip to DC my junior year. After school, instead of going to college, I majored in motherhood. I don’t say that as being my downfall, but it’s hard to write short stories between diaper changings and PTA meetings.

To make up for it, I decided to start writing my blergh. Whether anyone reads it or not. It’s a way for me to get random thoughts out of my head and be semi creative between teaching 2+2 and how to tie your shoes.

So, I thank American Idol for bringing a bit of traffic to the ghost town that is my blergh.

Yes, I’m an Idol fan, but I also watch X Factor. Those who can’t do…watch reality tv?

Now, what was I really saying?

Oh, yes. Blondes. I used to be a redhead, but naturally (as I am now), I’m a blonde. Do they have more fun? Things are funnier when you’re blonde, so I suppose so. Are we ditzy? Without a doubt, but blonde is an attitude, not a hair color.

My perfect blonde trifecta:

Marilyn. Britney. Paris.

I count them even if their roots are dark.

Even if one of them shaved their head and went totally Looney Tunes.

I’m talking about the infamous Britney Spears. I’ve been listening to her since her abusive catholic school girl days.

What I loved about her music is that it was pure and some of her songs were even personal. Today? I’m sad, because all her new stuff that I hear is so auto-tuned that I have to pause and really listen…is that Britney? I don’t know, because she sounds like a robot! Now, Ke(dollarsign)ha has made a fortune of being queen of the auto-tune. Britney, on the other hand, I remember, From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart. I don’t care how much hair or sanity the girl has lost, she’s still got her voice…so use it.

Jeebus!

Not that I want to ban all auto-tuning and all that crap they like to do to mess with your voice. I rock out in the car to If You Seek Amy and Piece Of Me.

But where did the soul go?

Sound machines have no soul.

I don’t know. I read that on this wooden box this guy was playing like a drum at a Violent Femmes concert. Seemed appropriate.

So, enjoy this classic that I’ve had in my head all day.

 

Now, that’s the Brit Brit that I love and adore.

And if you don’t?

Suck it.

QOTN: If you could be not just famous but infamous for one thing, what would it be?

I’d be the World’s Greatest Mom

For reals.

Oops! I Did It Again,

L

xoxo

 

 


It’s The End of the (Social Networking) World As We Know It…

And I feel fine!

Seriously…what would people do without facebook? It’s now the new myspace.

My____ …whaaa?

A group of “Anonymous” people have gone all Bald Knobbers on their asses for selling our information to random governments all around the world. Really? Okay…

So, I can’t delete my facebook. They own me. I cannot hide.

This sounds like something my best friend, Ace would put together.

I’ll let you listen to it and tell me what you think about it?

Doesn’t that remind you of some of the Lost propaganda they had on in its earlier seasons?

I’m interested to see what will happen.

So, on a completely different topic…

What’s your favorite candy bar? I’m a Bart Simpson. Butterfinger, baby.

I know. That was random.

But where can you go after facebook conspiracy theories? It’s either 2012 predictions or candy. I went with my sweet tooth.

Love, Poprocks, and Coke…

xoxo

L


Children of the Corn

Funny, that’s what my mom used to call us, or what I used to call my little brothers.

I miss old horror flicks.

Now we have Paranormal State and The Ring.

Blergh.

However, scary movies ain’t got nothin’ on this blog.

This is actually about some cute kids who use the force or one form or another.

The first, a Star Wars classic gone cute and kiddie for a VW commerical that I hope you’ve all seen.

Okay, now this one I just found a couple of days ago, but I’m usually pretty lazy, as I’m sure you’re aware of when it comes to adding new videos. No matter how rockin’ awesome they might be. I’m a mother of two with little to no sleep.

Anywho, this one goes out to all the comic book geeks out there who now have kids they want to join the nerd herd some day.

Awesomesauce.

Would’ve been cool if they put some sort of Boondock Saints twist on it, and he blew up the dog.

I’m just sayin’…

So, what I’m gonna ask, because like I could leave y’all without asking something…

What would you/have you pass on to your kids from your childhood?

My kids, but especially my son are very into VHS. They don’t even know what bluray is, and I think eventually they might figure out that coming summer 1995 means it’s been out longer than they’ve been alive…

However, I have blessed them with Fraggle Rock, School House Rock (because they both ROCK), Carebears, Ninja Turtles, Dinosaurs, The Elephant Show, Veggie Tales, and Shel Silverstein. I’m sure there’s a lot more. I’m a vintage kid or something like that.

Prolly something.

May The Force Be With You,

xoxo

L

PS.

Skinamarinky Dinky Dink